On Dreaming

Certain dreams aren't meant for specific people. Dreams are shared by everyone. Dreaming - a common thread for human beings. Without dreams, it would be harder to achieve one's goals and aim ever upward. Sometimes, small dreams are sufficient, but greater dreams may need to be called upon during the most trying times.

While great dreams aren't necessary to achieve great things, they can broaden one's perspectives. They can open doors for great things. They can make the seemingly impossible, possible.

***

I few nights ago, I had an unusual dream. I was exploring the narrow streets of Hirakata. On each street, one side was lined with tidy homes, and the other side was lined with quaint, well-tended stores. It was a sight I hadn't yet seen in Japan. It reminded me more of New England than the Sun Origin Country.

The roads criss-crossed everywhere and seemed endless. At one point, I had strayed into an unfamiliar part of the city. It was getting dark and quiet. I had been with a friend, but she went back to school to prepare dinner.

As I walked on, I noticed that all of the stores were closed—all of the houses were locked up. It was unusual to me, since it was a weekday, and it wasn't yet 6:00pm.

A few houses away, there was a sound of laughter. I walked closer to it. The house looked familiar and awkward in it's placement. As I walked closer, I remembered seeing it in Albany. I pressed my face against a side window and peered inside.

***

An aged figure of myself sat in the center of the room. It was a familiar room—the living room of a house I used to visit frequently. I studied my face for a moment. Laugh lines were clearly visible around my eyes and mouth. I had a five o'clock shadow. Everyone surrounding me was familiar. We sat around a low table. There was a large pot in the middle of the table. Someone would occasionally grab something from the pot. Behind me, there had once been a poster of Marilyn Monroe. Now, a painting of a nighttime skyline hung tight against the wall. The once-white walls were now a warm shade of mocha.

As I listened, I heard myself speak. Was that English? I couldn't understand what had been said. The next few words were in English, but they were muffled. Maybe I had heard something about Japan?

To my right sat a handsome man. I recognized his face, but he had aged as well. He wore the same glasses he sported when he was younger. His hair was shorter now, and it was no longer dyed. He smiled the same smile I had always known, and he laughed the same laugh, too. He looked wonderful.

Across the table sat a beautiful woman. She had dyed her hair a rich shade of brown. I knew exactly who she was. The last time I had seen her, we were in that same room. Then, I remembered a letter she had sent me while I was studying in Japan. "What's wrong with you?" read the first line. I laughed to myself. She was still going strong.

Another man entered the room. He had grey streaks in his hair. He also wore the glasses from his younger years. Following him was a familiar woman. I hadn't seen her in ages. They sat next to each other. They both joined in on the conversation. Within moments, both of them were laughing like young children. They turned to each other and kissed.

Across from them was an unforgettable face. The last time I saw him, his skin glowed with a healthy tan. He sat next to a woman I did not recognize. Maybe she is his wife? He turned to my aged-self and called me something that sent the widest smile across my face. Larry-chan.

***

I walked to another window and peered inside. There stood the owner of the home. He no longer wore skinny jeans and a baseball cap as he cooked. His face had aged with happiness. His hair showed signs of grey, but still maintained it's jet-black color. A beautiful woman helped him prepare food. I know her face, but I have never met her. I couldn't put a name to her.

I looked around the kitchen and noticed a number of differences. It was painted orange, and the vinyl floor had been replaced with beautiful grey tile. All of the cabinets had been changed, and a granite counter top took the place of the old laminate one.

The two headed back to the living room with more food. Many more people had arrived. Almost all of them looked familiar. They quickly joined in the laughter and conversation.

***

I sat on the steps of the front porch in a state of Euphoria. I thought back to the last night I had been there. January 21, 2009.

***

The door opened behind me, and a handsome man stepped outside. He resembled his younger- self. My aged figure followed him. I stood up and looked at them. They were laughing. Both of them looked so happy. They turned towards me and stopped. They both looked at me for a while. My aged figure stepped forward. Without saying anything, he ruffled my hair. I felt a tear stream down my cheek.

He looked at me, then back at the handsome man. He turned back to me and smiled.

"Be happy, kiddo. Look at some of the great things that lie ahead of you, if you keep dreaming. So dream, because your journeys depend on it."

He paused for a moment. "And just remember..."

The handsome man on the porch stepped forward and spoke up. "...Always do your best, no matter what. We are always with you."

He stepped down to meet me. I took his hand for a moment. It felt the same way it always had. I cracked a weak smile.

He joined my aged-figure's hand, and the two of them walked to a blue car across the street. I looked at the car. Subaru. Some things aren't meant to change.

I walked away from the house, but as I did, I turned back in time to see everyone standing on the porch. They all waved to me, as if I had been in their company the entire time. I waved back, and for the first time that night, I spoke up.

"See you soon!" I shouted.

***

[Dream:
"...and the hats whirled skyward,
buoyed by bright, new hopes
and propelled by big daring dreams!"]

夢 [Dream]

"Dreams
are today's answers
to tomorrow's questions."

***

...and as I dreamed, my journey continued on.

On Happiness

[Joy in the Journey:
There was a time I seemed to sail
upon a vast, blue sea,
scanning the horizon
for some distant, golden shore,
imagining that happiness
lay just ahead of me
in some wondrous, perfect place
I'd never seen before....
But as the days and years passed by,
I came to comprehend
that joy is in the journeying,
not at the journey's end.]

-No Limits But the Sky

The journey may be harsh at times
but rewarding through and through
Surrender may seem imminent
but remember when you choose
To back down oh so easily
you're cheating your own life

So stand up tall
toughen up
Raise the bar
but take the falls
Learn to love
and love to learn
For what it's worth
you'll have to earn
Your happiness in life

We'll rise together
We'll fall together
We'll laugh together
We'll cry together
We'll learn together
We'll love together

And together
we'll earn happiness
in life.

On Discovery

One week ago, I traveled to the end of the earth. It didn't look the way I expected. There was no marker reading End of the Earth. There was no protective railing. I didn't see a black void before me. There weren't too many people there, either. In fact, nobody was there. I thought that I had discovered the quietest corner of the universe, and I felt accomplished, but more than that, I had found more of what I had been looking for.

In the open space that lay before me, I realized how significant I could be. The open space represented possibilities, and whispered softly of hope. It offered promise. A man could take this land and cultivate it and grow a product that could feed an entire nation for thousands of years. A man could build grand structures on this land that withstand even the greatest trembles of Mother Earth. A man could build roads to here, there, and nowhere, and not interfere with the natural beauty of the landscape. Nature could raise tall mountains and carve out large, deep valleys. She could fill up lakes with beautiful, clear blue water. She could coat the highest mountain peaks with a fine layer of pure, white snow.

It was something of harmony I found found. Man and nature living as one, with the possibilities of each realized in full. Isn't that hope for all that it is worth? Doesn't that give promise for something? Can't something great be drawn from this? Two spectacular things, two entities of earth, living in harmony. Neither doubts the other. They love and trust one another. They are tough, and they are brave. They realize each other's strengths and weaknesses, and don't take each other for granted. When one falls, the other helps pick up the pieces and rebuild to full glory.

I found this at the end of the world. I realized a truth I had been seeking. I discovered a metaphor for life and for love. I regained faith and realized that I never wanted to let go. I would never give up a wonderful thing like this.

[Reach the Sky:
Climb high,
climb far,
your goal the sky,
your aim the star.

Perseverance is the investment.
Success is the return.]

-No Limits But the Sky

At the end of the earth, life carried on. And my journey continued...

On Love

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

On a cold Upstate New York day in late January, 1971, Carolyn Campbell was preparing to say goodbye to her fiancé, who was being put on assignment to cover the Charles Manson verdict. He would be staying in Los Angeles, California for a week to piece together a story for the Associated Press, but would stay in Southern California for an extra three weeks to visit family and friends.

Carolyn was not able to take time off from work to travel with her fiancé. This didn't bother her much because her relationship with him had been slowly deteriorating over the past two months. The night before her fiancé left, they had gotten into a fight over their futures together. Presently, they were not on good speaking terms.

Carolyn saw her fiancé off at the airport and left almost immediately to go home. There was no "I love yous" and "good lucks" this time. It was a beautiful morning as Carolyn drove away from the airport terminal. The sun was very bright, which gave a false impression that it was warm. In fact, much of the United States was in the midst of one of the coldest winters in ninety years. The temperature hovered just above 0F that day. Nothing in Carolyns life had seemed to warm her recently. It was as if she had been staring into an empty void for two months. She was unsure what she wanted to do, and she was about ready to call of her engagement.

As the days went by, Carolyn began to feel a pang inside of her. She didn't recognize it at first, but she began to realize that she missed her fiancé. Each passing day brought with it a stronger sense of regret. Carolyn had been able to think everything out logically in the first week of her fiancés absence. She realized that she had been unfair and stubborn about some things, and she hoped that her fiancé felt the same way regarding other things. By the second week, she looked forward to seeing him again.

She had not been able to contact her fiancé during the first week because he was busy working hard on his story. The second week was not any easier, because he was moving around a lot, visiting family and friends. There wasn't any time to relax and talk. Carolyn had been feeling better about her relationship with her fiancé, and she looked forward to talking with him again. They had told each other that they would talk again within three weeks. She was beginning to regret not saying "I love you" before he left for L.A. She had never stopped loving him, but she had been blinded by relationship drama, and she couldn't see through the haze. In the time of his absence, Carolyn realized how much she loved him, and she hoped that he would ask her to marry him soon. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

Around 1:00pm on a mid-February day, Carolyn received a telephone call. She could sense that it was her fiancé calling her. She hurried to the phone and answered with a joyful "Hello, sweetheart!" Then, her life crumbled before her.

Carolyn's fiancé had been critically injured in a serious automobile accident on a Los Angeles freeway. There was a one hundred car pile-up early in the morning due to fog and reduced visibility. Her fiancé was in a coma. Doctors were unsure if he'd be able to pull out.

Within one day, Carolyn was at her fiancés side. She sat next to him with tears in her eyes, waiting for him to suddenly wake up and give her a kiss. She held his right hand, believing that she would never let go. Nurses kept shuffling in and out of the hospital room. As the hours ticked away, Carolyn's energy slowly drained away. She fell asleep next to her fiancé and woke up to see nurses and doctors surrounding the hospital bed. She knew that there wasn't any hope. He was too far gone, and she didn't want to make him suffer life in a vegetative state. She kissed him firmly on his forehead and whispered "I love you, and I always have. I am sorry for the past two months. Please forgive me." A moment later, the heart rate monitor went flat, and her fiancé died.

*****

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

In the absence of loved ones, it is easy to realize how significant they are. Seven thousand miles is a long distance from home. It has made me realize that home is a wonderful place. I miss Upstate New York like I never have. I miss my family more than I think I've ever experienced. I miss you, my friends, so much, because you are the greatest friends I have made in my 2o years of life. In my first two weeks in Japan, I have begun to understand the culture, the language, and how much everyone and everything at home is worth to me.

The list goes on...

Imagine, just imagine, what I'll add in three more months.

I love you all and miss you greatly, more than I've even experienced.

And I love you, too, and I am always with you. Rest easy, because you never have to worry about that.

[Meet Challenges:
It is in meeting
the small challenges of daily living
that we prepare ourselves
for the greatest challenges of life.]

-No Limits But the Sky

And so the journey continues on...

On Growth

It's hard for me to begin this evening. I can't pinpoint an exact word or phrase to mark my thoughts. In one week's time, I have become better aware of myself. There's a part of me that feels small and insignificant. I think that that stems from settling into a new environment thousands of miles from any familiar surroundings. There's another piece of me that feels bigger than before. Doors unknown to me have opened within my thoughts and feelings. This is the first time that I have been able to take time to recall any of this since I arrived in the sun book nation.

It seems that my emotions took a week to catch up to me. When I arrived in 日本 on January 24th, my thoughts were overpowered by excitement. After all, it is said that emotion trumps logic. The acts of meeting new people and exploring new surroundings partially blocked my emotional channel. Then, suddenly, the excitement that clouded my thoughts settled. I became aware of my surroundings, and I began to realize that I was far away from the people I love. Simultaneously, I realized that the possibility for me to grow as a human being was evident, and the resources were readily available.

I was so moved by this realization.

Then, a few days ago, I said "I love you" for the first time in my life without feeling scared or vulnerable. Then he said "I love you," and for the first time in 20 years, another human being outside of my family returned my love. I realized my love for him. I realized that it would mature as time went on.

I was so moved by these realizations.

Last Friday, I visited Kiyomizudera, a temple in the mountains surrounding Kyoto. I felt calm as I passed through the crowd. Misty Kyoto stood in the background. The grey and white buildings blended well with the low overcast. I prayed. I prayed for the safety and happiness for my loved ones, and for the first time that I can recall, it seemed that my prayers were being heard.

I was so moved by this realization.

Today, Monday, February 2nd, was the first day of classes at Kansai Gaidai, and for the first time in years, I felt a considerable amount of nerves. I felt awkward and out of place, and at times, alone. I felt, more than before, that I missed home and my friends and family. I felt smaller than previous days, and I felt like I was choking back tears.

On the walk home, I passed through the narrow alleys of the Japanese neighborhoods surrounding Kansai Gaidai. The sun had set, but daylight still held on. Several kilometers to the northwest, the mountains faded into black and grey silhouettes. Lights began to flicker on. I walked alone. I noticed all movement around me. I imagined my friends walking or pedaling through these streets on their way home from school. I imagined them growing up in the tightly packed homes. I saw a young Japanese boy standing on his front step, searching for keys to his front door. As I proceeded toward him, he paused briefly, staring at me with an inquisitive expression. I felt more self-conscious than I had in ages. As I moved closer, he resumed digging through his pockets. Then he turned to me and said in a faint voice, "Hello." I said, "Hello," and continued towards home. I smiled and, for a split second, felt overwhelmed with emotion.

I love this country. I love these people, I thought to myself. It's no wonder that I love you.

And I was so moved by that realization.

[Persevere:
"...and so they set sail
for the Land of Possibility
where anything could happen,
and often did."]

-No Limits But the Sky