Live to Understand

I believe it is possible to go through life without ever fully understanding those who are closest to you. I believe it is possible to only know some people from what they possess on the outside. It isn't necessarily shallow. Some people--sometimes close friends and relatives--make it impossible to view what they possess underneath. Some people fear judgement. Some people fear abandonment. Some people fear misunderstanding. Some people even fear that what they possess inside might lead to physical harm.

I also believe that it is possible to go through life without fully understanding yourself. I lived this way for much of my nearly twenty years of life. Sometimes misunderstanding leads to denial. Sometimes denial leads to misunderstanding. Sometimes there are multiple causes of misunderstanding. They can be internal and external. They can result from a familiar surrounding environment, or they can arise from within. Sometimes it's easier to sort through multiple problems than one great problem. Sometimes multiple problems branch off of a greater problem.

Just over one month away from my twentieth birthday, I can state with conviction that I understand who I am as fully as possible at this juncture. I understand where I am, and I understand where I'd like to be. I understand that my future may not shape up exactly as I wish. I understand that getting from point A (present) to point B (future) may have a million starting and stopping points along the way. I understand as much as I am able to with what relatively little I have already experienced. Like every other human on this planet, I have experienced high points and low points. A life without ups and downs is no life for me.

I think one reason I am able to understand myself so well is because I do what I love to do and I expect little in return. Contrary to what so many believe, having limited expectations does not correlate with indifference. In this sense, I think it makes an individual more comfortable with who he/she is. I see it this way: Someone who does what he or she loves to do and expects little if anything in return possesses all the happiness in the world. I cannot say with honesty that I fit this description perfectly, but I strive to live like this in the future.

When I approached my academic adviser with great excitement last spring about my interest in studying in Japan, I was met with indifference. In fact, much of my academic department seemed to possess the same attitude. I was a bit frustrated and discouraged, but I wasn't going to let a few people stop me from exploring one of my passions. I reviewed my MAP for many hours until I was able to find a sure way of working one semester abroad into my schedule. It was reinvigorating. For the same reasons I declared Atmospheric Science as my major--I've held a passion for weather since the age of five or six--I am continuing on my journey to the other side of the world. While so many work to find themselves, I don't know if it's possible exploring your passions and doing what you love to do.

Tonight I offer the weary some words of encouragement. If you love what you do, don't let anything stand in your way. Obstacles are only as big as you perceive them to be. If you're passionate about your work, any challenges should be met with enthusiasm. That last sentence can explain why I have made it through two challenging calculus and physics courses over the past year. Nothing should stop you from broadening already existing horizons and developing new ones. It's logical that a stagnant lifestyle inhibits growth and learning. Explore your passions and transform your curiosities into understandings. This is why I didn't end my journey last spring. After all, where there's a will, there's a way.