クリスマス and Thoughts on the Future

Christmas 2008 was a wonderful event. It was the most relaxing Christmas I experienced in several years. Maybe it's because I am no longer an adolescent. Maybe it's because of the economic crisis. Maybe it's simply because I have nothing to stress over. Everything seemed so much brighter this year. Everything was valued so much more than in previous years. My family is not really suffering right now, but we certainly don't take anything for granted anymore. We were all grateful for what he had yesterday. Never before had Christmas held so much meaning to me. I was finally able to remember the true meaning of Christmas.

It amazed me to hear that the majority of Japanese people celebrate Christmas. Less than one percent of the population is Christian, so how could that be true? Then I remembered: sometimes we overlook the spirit of Christmas; that is, the spirit of giving. It made sense once I made that connection. In Japan, Christmas is not as much of a family holiday as it is here in the United States. It is celebrated more among close friends. It is centered around the spirit of giving. There exists very little religious influence on the holiday. I think that knowing this played a role in the significance of Christmas 2008.

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I've been thinking a lot about the future recently. I've been wondering what will happen once I leave for Kansai Gaidai. I know that everyone will continue on with their normal lives. I know that I'll continue my journey to self-discovery. I know that my heart will remain back here with all of my friends, but a piece of it will become a part of Japan, where it will forever stay.

So, what happens after that?

I spoke to my mother at the beginning of this break about my uncertainties for the future. My program adviser, Danielle Leonard, had told me that, looking back on her 20s, she remembers having a need to maintain control over everything. Her friends concur. I told my mother about this. She also concurred. Never have I felt so uncertain about my future. I told this to her. Never have I felt so "plan-less." I told this to her. Never have I been in a situation lacking so much predictability. I told this to her. I questioned what would happen when I return home. I questioned whether I'd be able to graduate on time. I questioned whether I'd return home to the same friends I'd left. I questioned whether I'd see the majority of them again. I felt frightened as I realized that I have limited control over the next four to six months. As a twenty-year-old, that can be disheartening. Still, nothing stands in my way.

My home will not change
But I shall follow
The call of my heart
And soul.

Still, keep in mind
One important thing:
I will always be with you...

[Standing with honor
Stoic stone pillars so strong
Rising at your sight]

And at mine...

メリークリスマス around the world!