Solitary

In the course of a significant journey, it can be expected that there will be many legs that are traveled in solitude. For if this was not the case, then there would be no time to reflect upon the foundation of the journey: growth, experience, learning, acceptance, tolerance, and so on. What if, however, each leg traveled becomes more solitary, and each significant person seems to become more distant? How should one account for all of the conflicting emotions that arise?

I have decided that growth cannot be experienced without conflict, and at times, great conflict signifies a growth spurt. My conflict arises right now from the thought of my future, which is more or less terrifying to me. The thing that scares me most is returning home to significant change, which I am not sure I will be able to handle after experiencing a sensory overload, so to speak, while living in another country--another world.

In the past three months, I have watched from a great distance so many people undergo significant change. I am pleased to see this taking place, as change is one of the greatest essences of life. I have undergone a great deal of change as well, particularly within my own personal realm. It comes at the thought of all of this change that I wish I could have remained with all of you to experience it. It is a frightening prospect to think that I do not know what I will return to in five weeks. I am struggling with this right now, because for the first time I get to view it from this side of the glass. I find this to be a solitary conflict right now.

I am not sad, as I understand that I am in the middle of growth. I feel that in five weeks time, my view on this subject will have changed considerably. I need you all to remain with me right now, through the rest of this journey, and beyond. Please don't doubt my strength and love.

Now the home-stretch begins. In five weeks, this experience will wash up on shore and dry up, but the memories will never fade, and the lessons learned will never disappear. Knowing full-well to make each passing day count, let's continue to aim onward and upward. Life is a two-way street, so let's continue to keep it flowing both ways.

As the journey draws closer to the end, so a new journey begins.

桜

...And with great expectations, I faced a new day and felt the wonderful sensations of living. Was it ironic that on this day, the sky turned grey and the city of Osaka was ensconced by a torrent of rain? Perhaps the answer lay in the 桜 that traversed the landscape and stole attention from every perceivable corner of the mind.

Is it ironic that beauty is enhanced by gloom? Today, the 桜 was the sunshine that warmed the earth. It softened the harsh chill that gripped every inch of flesh and bone.

It was the guardian of inconceivable wisdom.

I let the 桜 take hold of my spirit. I'll be damned if it ever lets go.

We enter into a new chapter of this journey. Let it continue to flow down an undetermined course into an unforeseeable future. Gather wisdom from its path, and stand with pride in times of shame and sorrow, humility in times of great achievement, and honor each and every day.

We'll grow and love.

With love in my heart, my journey continues on...

三月

じゃあ、ごめんなさい。三月、僕は忙しい人でした。四月、僕は暇です。元気な人ですよ。

March was a busy month for me. In addition to midterms rounding out the month, and traveling to 長野 and 広島 at the beginning, there was 春休み and various other expeditions to contend with. March was a month of growth. March was a month of adventure. March was a month to enjoy the company of friends, and March was a month of loneliness. At times, it seemed like it was flashing by, and at times it seemed like it was moving at a snail's pace. I look forward to seeing what April will bring. At the very least, I am hoping for warm, sunny days ahead.

春休みはよっかたですよ。東京に行って、日光に行きました。東京は迚も大きいでした、でも日光は奇麗でした！！There were so many sights in Nikko that I wished I could bring back home, as I was humbled by everything that surrounded me. Nature did not miss a beat with natural beauty. I particularly enjoyed the sight of large mountains sloping down into a beautiful, blue lake. Countless waterfalls rushed down every mountainside. I could have jumped into a fast-flowing stream and followed it all the way to the great Pacific Ocean.

In Tokyo, I was awed by the nighttime view atop Tokyo Tower (東京タワー). Never had I seen such a vast, sprawling display of lights and roads, twisting and turning in every direction, reaching beyond the horizon. How could an inspring display of man and an inspiring display of nature coexist? That is what I thought. How could they be located within such close proximity (within 75 miles) of one another? That, too, is what I thought.

And how, in the span of four weeks time, had I done so much? How had I traversed so much of 日本? I'll leave all of that for you to decide.

It's the home-stretch now. Ten down, seven to go. What possibilities exist for the future?

April promises to be good. April promises to flash by and move at a snail's pace. Let's ride the wings of April and see where we can go.

Let's continue this journey together, ne? We've only grown stronger.

The journey continues on...

On Dreaming

Certain dreams aren't meant for specific people. Dreams are shared by everyone. Dreaming - a common thread for human beings. Without dreams, it would be harder to achieve one's goals and aim ever upward. Sometimes, small dreams are sufficient, but greater dreams may need to be called upon during the most trying times.

While great dreams aren't necessary to achieve great things, they can broaden one's perspectives. They can open doors for great things. They can make the seemingly impossible, possible.

***

I few nights ago, I had an unusual dream. I was exploring the narrow streets of Hirakata. On each street, one side was lined with tidy homes, and the other side was lined with quaint, well-tended stores. It was a sight I hadn't yet seen in Japan. It reminded me more of New England than the Sun Origin Country.

The roads criss-crossed everywhere and seemed endless. At one point, I had strayed into an unfamiliar part of the city. It was getting dark and quiet. I had been with a friend, but she went back to school to prepare dinner.

As I walked on, I noticed that all of the stores were closed—all of the houses were locked up. It was unusual to me, since it was a weekday, and it wasn't yet 6:00pm.

A few houses away, there was a sound of laughter. I walked closer to it. The house looked familiar and awkward in it's placement. As I walked closer, I remembered seeing it in Albany. I pressed my face against a side window and peered inside.

***

An aged figure of myself sat in the center of the room. It was a familiar room—the living room of a house I used to visit frequently. I studied my face for a moment. Laugh lines were clearly visible around my eyes and mouth. I had a five o'clock shadow. Everyone surrounding me was familiar. We sat around a low table. There was a large pot in the middle of the table. Someone would occasionally grab something from the pot. Behind me, there had once been a poster of Marilyn Monroe. Now, a painting of a nighttime skyline hung tight against the wall. The once-white walls were now a warm shade of mocha.

As I listened, I heard myself speak. Was that English? I couldn't understand what had been said. The next few words were in English, but they were muffled. Maybe I had heard something about Japan?

To my right sat a handsome man. I recognized his face, but he had aged as well. He wore the same glasses he sported when he was younger. His hair was shorter now, and it was no longer dyed. He smiled the same smile I had always known, and he laughed the same laugh, too. He looked wonderful.

Across the table sat a beautiful woman. She had dyed her hair a rich shade of brown. I knew exactly who she was. The last time I had seen her, we were in that same room. Then, I remembered a letter she had sent me while I was studying in Japan. "What's wrong with you?" read the first line. I laughed to myself. She was still going strong.

Another man entered the room. He had grey streaks in his hair. He also wore the glasses from his younger years. Following him was a familiar woman. I hadn't seen her in ages. They sat next to each other. They both joined in on the conversation. Within moments, both of them were laughing like young children. They turned to each other and kissed.

Across from them was an unforgettable face. The last time I saw him, his skin glowed with a healthy tan. He sat next to a woman I did not recognize. Maybe she is his wife? He turned to my aged-self and called me something that sent the widest smile across my face. Larry-chan.

***

I walked to another window and peered inside. There stood the owner of the home. He no longer wore skinny jeans and a baseball cap as he cooked. His face had aged with happiness. His hair showed signs of grey, but still maintained it's jet-black color. A beautiful woman helped him prepare food. I know her face, but I have never met her. I couldn't put a name to her.

I looked around the kitchen and noticed a number of differences. It was painted orange, and the vinyl floor had been replaced with beautiful grey tile. All of the cabinets had been changed, and a granite counter top took the place of the old laminate one.

The two headed back to the living room with more food. Many more people had arrived. Almost all of them looked familiar. They quickly joined in the laughter and conversation.

***

I sat on the steps of the front porch in a state of Euphoria. I thought back to the last night I had been there. January 21, 2009.

***

The door opened behind me, and a handsome man stepped outside. He resembled his younger- self. My aged figure followed him. I stood up and looked at them. They were laughing. Both of them looked so happy. They turned towards me and stopped. They both looked at me for a while. My aged figure stepped forward. Without saying anything, he ruffled my hair. I felt a tear stream down my cheek.

He looked at me, then back at the handsome man. He turned back to me and smiled.

"Be happy, kiddo. Look at some of the great things that lie ahead of you, if you keep dreaming. So dream, because your journeys depend on it."

He paused for a moment. "And just remember..."

The handsome man on the porch stepped forward and spoke up. "...Always do your best, no matter what. We are always with you."

He stepped down to meet me. I took his hand for a moment. It felt the same way it always had. I cracked a weak smile.

He joined my aged-figure's hand, and the two of them walked to a blue car across the street. I looked at the car. Subaru. Some things aren't meant to change.

I walked away from the house, but as I did, I turned back in time to see everyone standing on the porch. They all waved to me, as if I had been in their company the entire time. I waved back, and for the first time that night, I spoke up.

"See you soon!" I shouted.

***

[Dream:
"...and the hats whirled skyward,
buoyed by bright, new hopes
and propelled by big daring dreams!"]

夢 [Dream]

"Dreams
are today's answers
to tomorrow's questions."

***

...and as I dreamed, my journey continued on.

On Happiness

[Joy in the Journey:
There was a time I seemed to sail
upon a vast, blue sea,
scanning the horizon
for some distant, golden shore,
imagining that happiness
lay just ahead of me
in some wondrous, perfect place
I'd never seen before....
But as the days and years passed by,
I came to comprehend
that joy is in the journeying,
not at the journey's end.]

-No Limits But the Sky

The journey may be harsh at times
but rewarding through and through
Surrender may seem imminent
but remember when you choose
To back down oh so easily
you're cheating your own life

So stand up tall
toughen up
Raise the bar
but take the falls
Learn to love
and love to learn
For what it's worth
you'll have to earn
Your happiness in life

We'll rise together
We'll fall together
We'll laugh together
We'll cry together
We'll learn together
We'll love together

And together
we'll earn happiness
in life.

On Discovery

One week ago, I traveled to the end of the earth. It didn't look the way I expected. There was no marker reading End of the Earth. There was no protective railing. I didn't see a black void before me. There weren't too many people there, either. In fact, nobody was there. I thought that I had discovered the quietest corner of the universe, and I felt accomplished, but more than that, I had found more of what I had been looking for.

In the open space that lay before me, I realized how significant I could be. The open space represented possibilities, and whispered softly of hope. It offered promise. A man could take this land and cultivate it and grow a product that could feed an entire nation for thousands of years. A man could build grand structures on this land that withstand even the greatest trembles of Mother Earth. A man could build roads to here, there, and nowhere, and not interfere with the natural beauty of the landscape. Nature could raise tall mountains and carve out large, deep valleys. She could fill up lakes with beautiful, clear blue water. She could coat the highest mountain peaks with a fine layer of pure, white snow.

It was something of harmony I found found. Man and nature living as one, with the possibilities of each realized in full. Isn't that hope for all that it is worth? Doesn't that give promise for something? Can't something great be drawn from this? Two spectacular things, two entities of earth, living in harmony. Neither doubts the other. They love and trust one another. They are tough, and they are brave. They realize each other's strengths and weaknesses, and don't take each other for granted. When one falls, the other helps pick up the pieces and rebuild to full glory.

I found this at the end of the world. I realized a truth I had been seeking. I discovered a metaphor for life and for love. I regained faith and realized that I never wanted to let go. I would never give up a wonderful thing like this.

[Reach the Sky:
Climb high,
climb far,
your goal the sky,
your aim the star.

Perseverance is the investment.
Success is the return.]

-No Limits But the Sky

At the end of the earth, life carried on. And my journey continued...

On Love

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

On a cold Upstate New York day in late January, 1971, Carolyn Campbell was preparing to say goodbye to her fiancé, who was being put on assignment to cover the Charles Manson verdict. He would be staying in Los Angeles, California for a week to piece together a story for the Associated Press, but would stay in Southern California for an extra three weeks to visit family and friends.

Carolyn was not able to take time off from work to travel with her fiancé. This didn't bother her much because her relationship with him had been slowly deteriorating over the past two months. The night before her fiancé left, they had gotten into a fight over their futures together. Presently, they were not on good speaking terms.

Carolyn saw her fiancé off at the airport and left almost immediately to go home. There was no "I love yous" and "good lucks" this time. It was a beautiful morning as Carolyn drove away from the airport terminal. The sun was very bright, which gave a false impression that it was warm. In fact, much of the United States was in the midst of one of the coldest winters in ninety years. The temperature hovered just above 0F that day. Nothing in Carolyns life had seemed to warm her recently. It was as if she had been staring into an empty void for two months. She was unsure what she wanted to do, and she was about ready to call of her engagement.

As the days went by, Carolyn began to feel a pang inside of her. She didn't recognize it at first, but she began to realize that she missed her fiancé. Each passing day brought with it a stronger sense of regret. Carolyn had been able to think everything out logically in the first week of her fiancés absence. She realized that she had been unfair and stubborn about some things, and she hoped that her fiancé felt the same way regarding other things. By the second week, she looked forward to seeing him again.

She had not been able to contact her fiancé during the first week because he was busy working hard on his story. The second week was not any easier, because he was moving around a lot, visiting family and friends. There wasn't any time to relax and talk. Carolyn had been feeling better about her relationship with her fiancé, and she looked forward to talking with him again. They had told each other that they would talk again within three weeks. She was beginning to regret not saying "I love you" before he left for L.A. She had never stopped loving him, but she had been blinded by relationship drama, and she couldn't see through the haze. In the time of his absence, Carolyn realized how much she loved him, and she hoped that he would ask her to marry him soon. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

Around 1:00pm on a mid-February day, Carolyn received a telephone call. She could sense that it was her fiancé calling her. She hurried to the phone and answered with a joyful "Hello, sweetheart!" Then, her life crumbled before her.

Carolyn's fiancé had been critically injured in a serious automobile accident on a Los Angeles freeway. There was a one hundred car pile-up early in the morning due to fog and reduced visibility. Her fiancé was in a coma. Doctors were unsure if he'd be able to pull out.

Within one day, Carolyn was at her fiancés side. She sat next to him with tears in her eyes, waiting for him to suddenly wake up and give her a kiss. She held his right hand, believing that she would never let go. Nurses kept shuffling in and out of the hospital room. As the hours ticked away, Carolyn's energy slowly drained away. She fell asleep next to her fiancé and woke up to see nurses and doctors surrounding the hospital bed. She knew that there wasn't any hope. He was too far gone, and she didn't want to make him suffer life in a vegetative state. She kissed him firmly on his forehead and whispered "I love you, and I always have. I am sorry for the past two months. Please forgive me." A moment later, the heart rate monitor went flat, and her fiancé died.

*****

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

In the absence of loved ones, it is easy to realize how significant they are. Seven thousand miles is a long distance from home. It has made me realize that home is a wonderful place. I miss Upstate New York like I never have. I miss my family more than I think I've ever experienced. I miss you, my friends, so much, because you are the greatest friends I have made in my 2o years of life. In my first two weeks in Japan, I have begun to understand the culture, the language, and how much everyone and everything at home is worth to me.

The list goes on...

Imagine, just imagine, what I'll add in three more months.

I love you all and miss you greatly, more than I've even experienced.

And I love you, too, and I am always with you. Rest easy, because you never have to worry about that.

[Meet Challenges:
It is in meeting
the small challenges of daily living
that we prepare ourselves
for the greatest challenges of life.]

-No Limits But the Sky

And so the journey continues on...